Friday, January 12, 2007

Road to nowhere

The gym I go to is not fancy (that’s an understatement. Can you say G-R-U-N-G-E-Y,?), but it has redeeming qualities, such as being cheap ($3.30 casual rate), having masses of equipment, and being open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I use the women’s gym there – the mixed gym is full of gorillas heaving around weights that are WAY too heavy for them with completely crap form. And that makes me get the giggles. Besides, some of the machines in there start at weights that I can’t even lift.

Anyway, I’ve been observing that something like 80% of the women there do a workout that goes something like this:

- Run on treadmill for 30 minutes (or maybe walk at an extreme incline)
- Pick up some dinky little dumbbells and do some really, REALLY odd moves with them that remind me of a chicken flapping its wings. Oh and do them really, really fast.
- Get on the leg extension machine and lift maybe 10 pounds (again really fast) for 3 sets of 15.
- Repeat above with the hamstring curl machine.
- Spend quite a while on the adductor/abductor machines (because you really CAN spot-reduce those flabby thighs. Yeah.)
- Maybe strap on a leather ankle cuff and do some cable hip extensions.
- Get on the AB MACHINE *splutter* and do 100s of crunches. Then swing your knees over to one side and do 100s of side crunches. Repeat for the other side.
- Get back on the treadmill and run for 30 minutes or so.

I assume that somebody gives all these people these programs, since they’re all so similar. What self-respecting trainer would write a piece of crap like that…and then give it to every client? Would they give a man the same program? Legs, abs and a couple of token arm exercises? High reps, light weights and performed at high speed? I’m betting not.

I’m not about to tread on some trainer’s toes by telling these clients that they’re doing it all wrong. But in the year that I've been going there, I've observed that the overweight ladies are still overweight and the skinny ones are still skinny. Nobody is making any progress, at least in terms of body shape or composition. Maybe their fitness has improved and they feel better. I don't know....

Whatever. At least I never have to wait because somebody’s hogging the equipment I need.

5 comments:

Shauna said...

hehe! hilarious! my gym is like that, noone seems to change shape. the speed of their reps always amazes me, but most astounding is how they read magazines while on the add/abductor machines.

:)

Deb said...

How hilarious!!!!! I see that ALL the time. I try to remember they are there DOING something. On the other hand, SOMETHING done wrong might as well be NOTHING. I need a new routine every other day. Giev me a run down of yours!

linda said...

The men grunt and groan at my gym and do it with appalling form- the women look as though they are off on a Sunday drive!!

Selina said...

LOL!!! *nods head in agreement*
I know EXACTLY what you mean too!
The chicken flappy things.... the million reps and fairy floss weights... etc etc etc
Hey I'm with u... WHY WHY WHY are these women showed how to ffectively waste their time?!?!

Amy said...

My pet peeve is the magazine reading/chatting while on the bikes pedaling away at 60RPM on level 1. I just want to scream at them "WHY DO YOU BOTHER COMING TO THE GYM?!?!?!"

It makes me sooooo mad...

I witnessed the chicken flapping yesterday for the first time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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