Sunday, June 03, 2007

All bow to me

This week I have finally achieved an exalted state of being, known in our household as the state of double-emptiness. How is this achieved? I’m glad you asked.

Bike Boy has a ‘thing’ about rubbish. He stresses about disposing of it, worries whenever anything new is brought into the house that comes with packaging, and has a major hissy fit when the bins are overflowing and it’s still 2 or 3 days till the garbos are due. When we’ve had a party, bought flat-pack furniture or I’ve been on a cleaning spree, the rubbish bins get a little full. So imagine the stress levels in our house lately, with all the cleaning and de-cluttering and getting rid of excess crap accumulated over 20-something years.

Over the years he has become creative – nay, downright devious – about disposing of excess rubbish. You may think there’s nothing creative about putting out the bins on a Thursday night, but you would be SO wrong! Here’s how it works:

You must carefully observe the route the garbos take – they come along one side of our street, then turn and come back along the other, so it’s important to know which side they start on. So you place the full (but not overflowing – they will refuse to empty an overfull bin, something we’ve learned from experience) bins on the side that they do first. Then you lie in wait. The minute you hear them coming up the street, you need to be out of bed and pulling on your clothes. You wait at the bottom of the driveway and as soon as they’re past, you grab the bins, refill them with the surplus rubbish, then place them on the OTHER side of the road.

Voila! Double-emptiness achieved!

If you’re really dedicated (and devious), you can also cram surplus rubbish into any available space in neighbours’ bins.

On rubbish day this week, Bike Boy had already left for work when the garbos arrived in our street, so it was up to me. I made him proud – did the double-empty on both bins, AND lobbed a bit of extra into next-door’s bin too. Well, hers was only half full – I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.

Just FYI, when you get two bins emptied twice, AND both the neighbour’s bins twice as well, that is known as the quadruple-empty. A rare and fine achievement. My husband is a man of talent.


Kathryn said...

I can understand his stress - I hate not having the bins emptied. I did have a neighbour though who chained and padlocked her bin so no one else could use it. I never watched to see if she actually went out and unlocked it just as the trucks come or if she risked leaving it unlocked overnight.

Deb said...

That is awesome!!!! I just had the boys take our excess garbage and neatly place it in our neighbors cans that still had a little room! You've got it all figured out. Why doesn't that surprise me?! ;)

liz said...

We do a similar thing where we lie in wait on a Sunday night for people to roll out their bins. Then I make hubby (I'm too scared to get caught) creep around the street(I always like to imagine pink panther music while he's doing it) depositing plastic rubbish bags in selected bins while wearing dark clothing & a hat. OK, maybe not that dramatic but it happens every Sunday night without fail.

Debstar said...

What a hoot! Do you feel a little naughty when you do the double-empty?

Chris H said...

My god, how amazingly clever can ya get??? Our bin is collected by a private operator, he has to come down our driveway to pick up the bin... and does not come back... darn I can't do your trick. But 10 outta 10 for your cleverness!!! Well, Bike Boys' anyway.

Flea said...

ha ha ha this is just too hillarious Kek. We got an "over weight" sticker on ours once and they didn't empty it, we thought that it was pretty funny but then ended up with a full bin for an extra week!!
I have to admit: I bow to theee!

Unknown said...

Wow! What an excellent post! I am totally proud of your efforts! We only have one of those teeny tiny little green bins so we have always got excess rubbish.. We are experts at neighbour trash cramming!

Well done!

Lyn said...

HAHAHA!! That is too funny ... a quadruple achievement!! Now that's called thinking out of the garbage box.

LizN said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this! Now I am not feeling so bad.

THanks for the thinking blogger, will get onto that :)


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