Saturday, September 22, 2007

D.I.Y.


This morning Bike Boy and I did something very brave. We went shopping for furniture at IKEA. It’s something we’ve carefully avoided our whole lives, but we’d searched everywhere else for the items we needed with no luck. This house we’re renting doesn’t have a linen cupboard. How can you build a fricken house with nowhere to store your linen? And let’s not even START on the inadequate clothesline….

Anyway, we faced today’s shopping expedition with great trepidation because, as everyone knows, “Ikea” is Swedish for “divorce”. But, you know what? I'll just gloss over the pay parking, the crappy signage, the whole one-way system, and the traumatic loading bay incident. We walked out of the place with a desk for the kids’ computer, which fitted very nicely in my little hatchback – PLUS they’re delivering the other (huge) stuff we bought tomorrow. That’s SUNDAY. They deliver on Sundays!!

But then…..uh-oh..... THEN the whole family had the dubious pleasure of dealing with Bike Boy assembling flat pack furniture. He was sick , he was grumpy, it did not go well. I’ll just sum it up with the following mathematical equation:

Sick husband + flat-pack furniture = extremely unpleasant experience.

And we have more assembly-required items being delivered tomorrow. God, perhaps I’ll just go out for the day.

I’ll sum the whole ugly experience up with these words, courtesy of Deborah Conway, who says it way better than I ever could:

It doesn’t work that way
This one fits in, that one slots in there
It doesn’t work that way
She says round holes, he says square pegs
They’re gonna put those legs on backwards,
And when it falls apart, they can say
It just didn’t work that way….

You’re not trying hard enough, she said
I know that you’d much rather go to bed
And after everything we’ve done
I’m not listening to one more of your lame excuses

It doesn’t work that way

This comes naturally to me, he said
All those years spent hiding in the shed
And after all that we’ve been through
You must know I do resent this interference..

He’s from Mars, she’s from Venus
That’s some space to come between us
We’re hoping love gonna intervene us
as we go step by step in Swedish

We must be almost finished here, she cried
But what are these bits, left here on the side?
Now let me make this clear, I got the hammer here,
You’re going to D.I.Y.

It doesn’t work that way
This one fits in, that one slots in there
It doesn’t work that way
She says round holes, he says square pegs
They’re gonna put those legs on backwards,
And when it falls apart, they can say
It just didn’t work that way….

6 comments:

Hann said...

Hi Kek, I am moving too now in 3 weeks time, our rent jumped from 230pw to 420pw!! Hoz's that for greedy. We are searching now for a place and I already started gathering boxes, omg just think what is lying ahead makes me wanna run away :-)
I'm so envious of your weigh loss, congrats!

Cherub said...

I'm with ya Kerryn. I have often had to stop my husband, drill in hand, and suggest that maybe there is not a hole there because there is not supposed to be a hole there.

Claire

LizN said...

IKEA is truly Swedish for divorce !I think you're so brave.

Hugs
Liz ;)

Louise said...

hey Kek, you could always operate the screwdriver yourself instead of bitching about your husband.

Clara said...

There are moments I love being single. :) When I "Ikeaed" a couple of guy friends came along to help me transport bits. We had a lively discussion when we got home and I informed them that I didn't need their help setting it up.

Suffice to say, I made them sit on the couch and sulk while I assembled. Got things up in no time! :)

--Clara

Chris H said...

I reckon you should leave home! Well, at least until the assembly is finished! I always make myself scarce when the guys are trying to put together ANYTHING... then you can't hear all the swearing.

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