Sunday, July 10, 2011

Household safety tip #1

If you need to make a trip to the loo in the middle of the night, TURN ON A FREAKING LIGHT.

I hate being blinded by bright light when I'm only half awake, so I habitually wander from bed to bathroom in the wee hours (little pun there.... :D ) without turning any lights on. Apart from the odd stubbed toe, I've never come to grief. Until last night.

I woke up at 4:00am with a bursting bladder, but tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. Because yeah, that always works so well (NOT). Finally, I sighed, crawled out of the warm bed and tottered around the corner into our ensuite. I'd closed the blinds in there to prevent all the heat being lost through the glass in the French doors and consequently, it was DARK.

Somehow, I managed to veer ever-so-slightly off-course and walked smack into the corner of the shower screen. Being half-asleep and completely blind, I bounced off it, lost my balance and fell heavily. There's a nice long wall opposite the shower, so I could have whacked into that with little effect, but NOOOOOO.... I managed to exactly line up my spine with the plug-in air freshener sticking out from the power point.

Imagine someone smacking you right in the spine with a brick. No? OK, I'll tell you what it feels like: a) the actual impact hurt like crazy; b) my nerves went mental, sending out whacky messages to all the muscles in my back and abdominals around that point and causing them to go into painful spasms; and c) communication between my brain and my lower body was cut off, rendering my legs completely immobile and useless.

Of course, I did what any sane person would do and lay there, yelling loudly. Poor Bike Boy was rudely awakened and came running, expecting blood, murder and God-knows-what. Instead he found me in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor, white-faced and sitting in a puddle of pee. Yep, when your spine cops a nasty shock like that, not only do you lose control of your legs, but also everything else below the waist. Ah, fun times....

The paralysis probably only lasted for less than a minute, and Bike Boy helped me to my feet. But then the shock really set in and I started to see stars and go all fainty. Uh-oh... Eventually I was back in bed, but the muscle spasms weren't letting up, so some drugs were in order. We both lay there wide awake for ages - I guess adrenaline isn't all that conducive to sleep. Eventually, I nodded off and I didn't wake till after 10:00am.

This morning I'm sore and stiff, and am definitely not doing any kind of exercise. Instead, I think I'll be lying around with a heat pack, watching trash TV. I start my new program tomorrow, so my abdominals and whichever muscles in my back are affected had just better unclench themselves by then.

And I'll be leaving the bathroom blinds open at night from now on.


Unknown said...

Oh Kerryn - poor you! I cringe just thinking of how it must have felt. Years ago I squatted down to be beside our son ( then about 3) and caught my coccyx on the edge of a small chair back- ouchyouchyouchy- for many months. Not much fun. Hope you are feeling heaps better tomorrow

Sara said...

Wow, that sounds awful! Glad you are ok Luv. XXX. Maybe time for a little nightlight - a not very bright one?

Kek said...

I'm fine, apart from pretty sore. I can laugh about it now; wasn't very funny at the time though. :s

And I've discovered a nice bruise on the side of my face where I smacked it on the corner of the shower.

I may have to start wearing bubble wrap.

Debstar said...

Call me a sick puppy but I giggled when you wrote you smacked into the corner of the shower, 'cause I've been there, done that. The rest of your story was way more dire than my experience which just made me wince thinking about it.

Hope the shower is alright.

Kathryn said...


Maybe you need to get a little torch like they have in hotel rooms.

Charlotte Orr said...

Ouch! You poor thing! Glad you are recovering quickly.

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