Sunday, December 22, 2013

Itching you a very scratchy Christmas

I just spent ages writing a post, uploading images and so on and lost the entire thing. I'm extremely short on patience today, so here's the abridged version:

Allergies. They suck.

Mozzie bites? To you they may be a minor annoyance. For me, they swell up to welts the size of a 20 cent coin and make my life miserable.  It's more like some ferocious animal has attacked me. A bit like Perkins....

Plants are my nemesis. Grass pollen gives me hay fever, contact with some grasses causes hives and this motherf*cker should be eradicated from the planet:

Grevillea "Robyn Gordon" may look pretty, but it's a poisonous bastard.
Allergic contact dematitis, a fun affliction. Imagine a red, raw, raised rash that itches like nothing you've ever experienced before. It then develops hundreds of tiny blisters, which eventually burst, so you have a very attractive red, weeping, scabby arm/leg/face/whatever. All of this, just from brushing against the plant - which people insist on positioning where they overhang front fences. I spend a lot of my time veering onto nature strips when I'm out walking...

For almost thirty years I've avoided this horrible plant with its bright red flowers. But unbeknownst to me, the nursery industry has been busy breeding new cultivars from the same parent stock. So there I was, innocently walking down my sister's front path, with no idea that that pretty pink and white flowering shrub was related to G. Robyn Gordon. In fact, I didn't even SEE it, because why would I be looking out for something unknown?


It actually looks much, much worse than this. It's tricky to take arm selfies...

I'm a bit angry. This reaction to G. Robyn Gordon has been well-known since the mid-80s. And yet...the industry continues to produce new plants with exactly the same parentage. No regulation, no requirement to provide warnings on labels. Nice one, fellas.

Anyway, it's been a week already, so that means it will clear up in maybe three weeks or so. Shame it's not long-sleeve weather.

Between the itching that's interrupting my sleep and the histamines running riot in my body making me cranky and depressed, I'm struggling to summon up any Christmas spirit at all. If you're looking for me, I'll be the one over in the corner, covered in calamine lotion and drowning my sorrows. Kind of like a big, red-and-white Grinch.


1 comment:

Casey said...

aww, you poor bugger. I seem ok with most plants but mozzies and grass are both killers for me. The mere suggestion of a bbq in a nice grassy park makes me anxious.
I hope you have a lovely christmas day anyway, and if its all too much, go and have a calomine bath - I love those!

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