Saturday, January 02, 2016

Getting Real

Oh, them feels...

The past two years have been a struggle for me on many fronts. Sure, my Mum died suddenly and I still feel like I'm adrift without an anchor. Yes, Bike Boy's work has involved an increasing amount of travel, meaning I'm alone a lot more than I'd like. And okay, my work isn't the most fulfilling thing in my life. But we all have challenges in our everyday lives, so I'm no different to anyone else there.

My problem is that I haven't been very kind to myself. I bury my uncomfortable feelings - like grief, loneliness or frustration - and distract myself from them with food, alcohol or mindless activities. I'm an expert at avoidance and distraction. If it was an Olympic sport, I'd take the gold. I've also not indulged in many of the little self-care activities that make life a lot more fun - because somewhere inside my head there was a voice telling me I didn't deserve them.

The end result of months of this sort of nonsense was insomnia, debilitating anxiety and an inability to cope with basic life stuff. I couldn't get up early, had no energy to train and my organisational skills just deserted me, which did not make for productivity at work or at home. That led to feelings of failure, which in turn contributed to a nasty cycle of weight gain/feeling crappy/eating more & not exercising/more weight gain.

Anyhoo, I finally dragged my sorry arse off to the doctor a couple of months ago and with the help of prescription medication, I'm now sleeping well and my roaring anxiety has turned itself down to a low growl. Yay for drugs!

So I've begun working on restoring former good habits and being a lot nicer to myself in the process. I won't be leaping into a diet plan or setting weekly weight loss goals though. I know by now that kind of thing only backfires in the end. Instead, I'm aiming for simple exercise goals because I know moving my body makes me feel good. I'll also be eating more veggies/less pizza and wine, without banning any foods, again because I feel better when I do that. And my biggest challenge will be treating myself with the same respect and compassion that I extend to others.

As part of my plan, I'll be scheduling in massages and manicures and other things that contribute to my wellbeing. Reading books, taking naps and going for walks will also be part of the prescription.

I'm taking part in Liz's "Don't Woo-rry, Be Happy" challenge too, where participants simply focus on doing something each day that makes themselves or the world around them a better place. No bullshit like no-carb dieting allowed, but other than that, there are no rules.

My long-term plan is to be much fitter, calmer and happier with myself by the end of this year - at which time, if all goes to plan, I will be taking early retirement (squee!). To be travel-fit: that's my end goal.



Sara said...

Yes, stress and woo-ry is a real killer (like, literally). A good dose of Vitamin N (nature) is something I'm trying to get into my weeks more often. I live so close to so many lovely places, and yet I hardly venture there because I'm too caught up in being busy.

Liz N said...

Great to have you back blogging again. Let's heal the two years of crap - about the same for me with kindness and positivity. Rock on sister!

Kek said...

Well, I've started with a bang on the self-care front. A walk with some wildlife photography this morning and I'm about to head out for a mani/pedi. LOVE those massage chairs.

Debstar said...

Ah yes, restoring former habits. Now that's a plan I need to follow.

Just curious - you followed precision nutrition for awhile. Now that it has been awhile what are your views on it?

Kek said...

I believe it's changed a bit since I did it, Deb. But the PN I knew was actually not bad although a bit light on starchy carbs. They were only allowed after exercise, which there is no scientific evidence to support as a weight loss strategy for the average person. Otherwise it was pretty good and the recipes were great. Would I do it again? Probably not, although I'll happily include some PN recipes in my meals.

There's an interesting review here that might be helpful:

Sandra said...

For what it's worth, I've been there. Grief is a bitch, but I have a feeling I'm nearing the end of the tunnel and the light I can see looks familiar and very pleasant. It takes everyone different lengths of time to learn to live with grief, I hope this year is a lot better for you x

Kek said...

Thanks, Sandra. I feel as though I've turned a corner and I'm sure that this year life will be much more fun.

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